green livin'

I love natural, green products.  Mostly, I love the idea behind these products.  I've often found that the earth-friendly choices are not as effective as products that have been altered or have rough chemicals - until now.  After quite a bit of experimenting, I've found great, affordable alternatives to everyday products, and I am psyched to share the love.  [Confession: I do a lot of shopping for household/beauty products at Target, so most of the products listed can be found there.] 

Skincare: Boots Botanics

This line of products is great!  I use the face scrub, toner, and the day lotion.  When I'm feelin' a little ambitious, I use the clay mask.  Everything is from the organic line, so not only are the products plant-based, but they are also packaged and produced in an environmentally friendly capacity.  I call this: win-win (technical term, I know). 

Face Wash: Lush - Herbalism

This stuff looks a little bit bizarre, I admit.  To use, you basically take a bit and mush it with water to create a paste.  It works well, but it definitely needs to be followed by a toner to get a fresh, clean feeling.  Interested?  You can purchase here.

Laundry Detergent: Vaska

Laundry detergent was a tricky one for me.  Just because I want to be "earthy" does not mean I want to smell like the earth.  "Natural" scented plant-based detergents tend to smell a bit funky.  Vaska is a great choice because it smells great (made with lavender), and also really cleans my clothes.  It gets the smell of Chili's out of a shirt, and that is pretty damn impressive.  Oh, and it's hypo-allergenic!

Dish Detergent: Smarty Dish

I'm pretty psyched about this one in particular.  Mostly because they are pre-measured, phosphate and chlorine free tables that are not gel packs!  I've tried several other non-harsh dish detergents that left my dishes pretty cruddy, so this product came as a welcome surprise.


If you purchase any of these products, let me know how you like them! 

lessons learned

I've had an interesting 2010.  Many changes, both personal and professional, have left me reflecting on not only the past year but on life in general.  In the spirit of giving, here are a few nuggets of knowledge: 

Never Ever, Ever (Ever) Fall in Love With a Married Man.
(Did I mention ever?) 

This one seems obvious.  Horrifically obvious, actually.  In the midst of an exceptionally painful time for me, a friend shared the following quote that she had found: "Don’t be 'the other woman.' She’s always a quick side note in the great saga of another couple’s love."  This advice, no matter how clear it may seem, took learning the hard way for me to get.  Hey, Ladies (and I guess dudes, too): it's not romantic, it's not a fairytale, and he doesn't love you so much that he risks his family for you.  In reality, he has his cake and you're giving him yours, too. [A quick bit of math: that leaves you with no cake - and more than likely a ton of crumbs to clean up.]  No amount of emailed/texted/whispered "I love yous" make up for the fact that your "dream" man is actively breaking promises and commitments that he made to someone else.  You are not the exception, you are the rule.  Heartbreak (for you, for his life will continue as it was) and months (and months upon months) of trying to move on are in the cards if you travel down this road, so do yourself a favor and find an alternate route. 

It's Never Too Late To Follow Your Heart.

True in many situations, this lesson took me a few tries to learn (and undoubtedly will take me a few more to master).  Whether it be a relationship that goes on too long or a career change that you'd love to make, know that there is never a timeline on happiness.  In The Alchemist, the concept that we allow the world and responsibility (to ourselves and others) to dictate our universe and untimately our happiness is introduced, and I think this happens more than we realize.  I'm not advocating picking up and changing your life on a whim, but I am advocating for following your heart and allowing yourself the opportunity to chase your dreams - wherever they may lead.   

Friends (Not Fat Bottom Girls) Make The World Go 'Round.

Never underestimate the power of friends.  Friends are the people who actively choose to be forces in our lives that support, love, and challenge us to be the best that we can.  Cheering for us in awesome times and supporting us through the bad, friends see the good, the bad, and the ugly - yet they love us just the same.  Friends can have different roles, places, and levels of commitment in your life, but it is important to remember that in being a friend comes responsibility - a responsibility to be there for a friend just as he/she is there for you.   

A Romantic Relationship Does Not a Happy Girl Make.

I spent several years thinking the key to happiness was not in myself, but in having a successful relationship with someone else.  Without knowing it, or even actively thinking about it, I became a serial monogamist, jumping from one relationship to another before the closets were cleared (literally in some cases).  I didn't give myself the chance to learn who I was and what I wanted in the context of myself - how could I when I was so closely linked to someone else - and it always ended in the same way: I realized I wasn't happy because I was trying to fit a circle into a square.  On to my next fun lesson ...    

You Can't Fit a Circle Into a Square.
(Yeah, I get it.  You can if the circle is smaller.  Not the point...)

Sometimes, people do not fit together.  Actually, most of the time people do not fit.  It happens. It is part of the learning curve, and what is most important is to reflect and learn about who you are from the experience.  Yeah yeah.  Even as a I wrote that I felt trite.  So, let's face it.  Most of us, I presume, spend far too long trying to fit that damn circle into our perfect square. [For the record, this is not a twisted sex metaphor]  We find reasons why he/she isn't so bad, and we learn to accept the inevitable imperfections that we find in our partners.  For after all, it's a scary world out there and it may be better to stick with what you have than to venture out and seek a relationship that truly makes you happy, right?  Uh, wrong.  Follow your heart and you'll quickly find the difference between naturally compromising and trying to shove that pesky circle into that square ... when perhaps the key is a new shape altogether.



Life is hard.  And tricky.  And beautiful.  If you were to ask me where I would be as a twenty-something ten years ago, my response sure as hell wouldn't have been back in school getting certified to teach literature to high school students.  The better question is ... would I change it?  Absolutely not.  Do I have all of the answers and can throw in the learning towel?  Hell no.  For every question I feel as though I have answered, I'm certain there are more waiting for me.  I guess this means ya'll can expect a fresh batch of life lessons at the end of 2011.  Stay tuned...

just do you.

I do not like classical music.  There.  I said it.  In and of itself, that statement seems silly.  Though when I think about the number of times I've read or seen the word "classical" under a person's musical interests, it seems silly.  Fun fact: saying you like something classy/artsy/sporty doesn't make you classy/artsy/sporty :)

A friend once shared a story about how when people are asked what type of music they like, the response is typically not true to their interests.  He then told me to get a real answer, I should ask people to share the playlists from their iPod. [Confession: He actually told me to share what CD is in their stereo, but that makes us both seem old, and I'd like to keep my twenty-something vibe going strong for awhile longer]  What better way to get to know someone's taste in music than to hear what they hear daily?  I'm still rambling on with the music analogy, but my point is that it is easy to be influenced by others ... and even easier to be influenced by the person you wish you are.

Sure, I wish I liked running.  If I did, I wouldn't be huffing and puffing while convincing myself the torture is worth it every time I do it.  But do I love running? No.  Do I aspire to complete a marathon?  Nope.  Did I used to?  Yep. [Naturally, my next thing to do is tell you why]  I wanted to complete a marathon because I wanted to be a person who loves to run.  One who effortlessly glides along and looks super cute in Under Armour gear.  But alas, I'm not.  I'm more of a take a group exercise class to get my heart rate going and to keep my dancing skills in tip-top shape girl.  And you know what?  I'm okay with it.

I can think of plenty of examples where I've thought, "If only I loved to ____, I could _____."  In the past few months, I've made a concentrated effort to learn to appreciate my interests, activities, and the things I like instead of the things I wish I like.  These interests are random, eclectic, silly, and sometimes contradict each other.  But you know what?  They are mine.  So, bring on the Phish and the Eminem, 'cause I love 'em both.  

strong women, strong world.

"And I hear them saying you'll never change things

And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me" -GB, The Change

As a sexual assault and domestic violence service provider, I am always asked the same question, though worded differently. Cynics and optimists alike wonder how in the world do we combat an issue so prevalent, yet so under-reported. An issue that penetrates our schools, churches, and homes that knows no social, economic, or cultural boundaries. One in six women will be a victim of sexual assault (1), and one in every four women will experience domestic violence (2) in her lifetime. The numbers are staggering and should speak for themselves, yet year after year we continually see the victimization (and re-victimization) of women with no end in sight.

The question remains: How do we, as a society, combat sexual assault and domestic violence?

1. Talk About It

I love the billboards, launched in the late 80's, that read Virgin: Teach your kids it's not a dirty word. [Note: I don't exactly love the campaign itself though, which centers around "Marriage Works" and how it's better to be married. Their most recent campaign shared the fun fact that Married People Enjoy Better Health. I think this should be amended to include the word happily before married. I digress.]

The concept is that certain issues and words have become taboo in our society. Rape is the forgotten four-letter-word that when spoken causes discomfort, yet it's happening every two minutes to a woman in the United States. Let's talk about it. The more awareness is raised, the more power we (as a society) have to take a stand and make a change.

2. Build Strong Women

I had the opportunity this past weekend to see two very distinct sides of the women of Baltimore. As a victim advocate, I met four women in the emergency room of Mercy Medical Center, from all walks of life, struggling to make sense of their broken lives, spirits, and bodies. Ranging from teenagers to adults, these women couldn't have been more different in their appearance, demeanor, and lifestyle - yet they shared a common bond: their lives had been forever changed by an attacker. After seeing these victims and sharing their fear, pain, guilt, and shame, I left the hospital thinking it was time. Time for what? I didn't know, though I was filled with a sense that the Universe [I'm reading The Alchemist, highly recommended] was sending a message that it was time for change.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon, where I taught a self-defense class at the YMCA on 33rd Street in Baltimore. Advertised for all women, with survivors of violence especially invited to attend, I knew a definite link to my experience with the women from the E.R. was to be expected - the question is what would I learn from it and how could I use that information to help others.

This class was about building strong women. Building a community of women who take a stand and say "Back off" [literally and figuratively]. A community of women who understand the root of violence, recognize the signs, and understand that being strong is an option.

For years, the focus has been on changing others. Changing the behavior of men who abuse women. It's time to take back the power by investing in our women that are fighting in the trenches everyday - some for survival, and some for a better tomorrow for those around her.

... How Can You Help?

Support local, non-profit sexual assault and domestic violence centers (such as Turnaround). Providing services such as counseling. emergency shelter, victim advocacy, and community education, these centers are often facing the strain of budget cuts. Your donations are used for direct victim services - meaning you have the power to affect change in the lives of others.

Host a free self-defense class for your family and friends. These customized classes, taught by certified instructors, provide a fundamental understanding of violence coupled with techniques that can be performed regardless of fitness level. Contact me for more information, or to schedule a class!


References:
1. National Institute of Justice & Centers for Disease Control & Prevention. Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey. 1998.
2. Tjaden, Patricia & Thoennes, Nancy. National Institute of Justice and the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, “Extent, Nature and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey,” (2000).

For Matthew

"It's about one moment. It's about hitting the wall and having to make a choice, or take a stand, or turn around and go back." -JRB

As I sit here watching the season finale of Glee, I can't help but reminisce and think about my own experiences with theatre, life, and becoming the person I am today.

I had the extreme fortune of meeting someone when I was a teenager who grew to be an amazing mentor and today is one of the best friends I could ask for. Teaching me more than the methods of Strasburg, this man taught me what it meant to push through and believe in myself in times I didn't think possible. As we both grow individually and in our ever-evolving friendship, I constantly find myself looking back and thinking how lucky I am to have been honored with the past ten years.

For the past seven years, I've watched him shape the talent at Carver, where the caliber of work performed surpasses many of the productions mounted in Baltimore and the heart poured into each moment is unrivaled.

Through him, I had the opportunity to meet Claire and Chase, two of the most dynamic and impressive women I know. I've always heard you are only as amazing as those you surround yourself with, and if these superstars are indicative of my amazingness [dictionary, anyone?] then I'm a lucky girl.

Today, he is preparing for a new journey in life as one door closes and leaves a world of possibility at his feet. I have no doubt he will soar high above the rest with the sheer amount of heart, energy, and dedication he pours into every aspect of life.

I hope each of you have someone to honor who has shown you that hope, above all else, can conquer even the toughest of times.

Matthew, this is for you. Thank you for teaching me how to hope, love, be a friend, and most importantly, how to stand when the winds are blowing and the tides are rising.

saving mama earth.

I've heard many, many people express outrage about the oil spill. Trust me, I get it. I'm outraged, too. Especially because this incident is a reflection on our continued dependency on an industry that shows a blatant disregard for regulation and protecting the environment - this Earth is the one thing that ties each of us together and unites us as a people, yet we are so quick to destroy it and drill, baby, drill.

Here's my beef. It's easy to point fingers in times of crisis, but not-so-easy to take a hard look in the mirror and assess your own actions. We can blame BP, lack of federal regulations, and disregard for warning signs until we settle on someone to blame, but the fundamental issue remains: Each of us have the ability to protect the environment daily. Pointing fingers and boycotting BP can only take us so far.

Take the outrage, sadness, and desire for change and put it to work in your own life. Here are four simple ways in which you can, quite literally, be the change you wish to see in the world:

1. Eat Local

Many cities boast wonderful farmer's markets that allow veggie-heads the opportunity to support local businesses and the environment by buying local foods. Not only are you guaranteed fresh eats, but you are lessening the pollutants and strain on the environment that transportation of goods causes.

Side Note: Be careful that the goods you're getting are truly local. Sometimes the dude with the box on the back of the truck stocked up at the local grocery store. I call these guys a very technical term: sketchy.

I like Local Harvest as a resource for finding farmer's markets, and if you're local to Baltimore check out this directory.

2. Ditch the Water Bottle

I'm all about staying hydrated. I'm also a fan of Baltimore's Finest Tap Water (as described by Ruth's Chris at dinner once). For those of you that need a little more refinement in your life but want to reserve landfill space for things like the Zack Morris cell phone, try using a Brita. It will pay for itself time and time again as you only need to purchase filters, and you can get a cool reusable bottle. Check out this fun little fact from Sigg:

«More than 90 percent of the environmental impacts from a disposable plastic bottle happen before the consumer opens it,» said Dr. Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist at the U.S. Natural Resources Defense Council. «Oil for plastic, oil for shipping, oil for refrigeration and, in a small % of bottles, oil for recycling – sadly most PET bottles go to landfills.»

Bonus? Slice one of your locally grown cucumbers and put it in your newly-filtered water. Basically, you'll feel like you're at the spa (minus the screaming children, barking dogs, and beeping iPhones).

Oh, and the Brita now comes in fun colors ... in case your refrigerator needed a little sprucing up:

3. Paper or Plastic? Neither.

Make the $10 investment and purchase several reusable bags. Not only do they sometimes have witty sayings, but they are super sturdy! As in, the odds of a handle ripping and you spilling an entire jar of spaghetti sauce down the stairs while your dog steps in it is slim. [Oh, wait. That only happens to me.] Here's one of my favs:

Other benefits? Besides not being plastic, these bags double as baskets in the store! Throw one over your shoulder and traipse around your favorite store plopping items right into it!

Tip: Keep a stash of these in your car for impromptu shopping excursions.

4. 86 Your Junk Mail

"The average adult receives 41 pounds of junk mail each year," according to 41pounds.org. Their site offers a service that "stops 80-95% of unwanted catalogs and junk mail for you." While the service does cost $41 per year, it covers everyone in your house for five years. Just think of all the free time you'll have since you won't be shredding credit card offers and notices about your car warranty expiration! Alternatively, you could purchase a junk mail bin, feed the monster, and recycle the paper.


There are countless other ways to help the environment: bike to work, shorter showers, green cleaning products, supporting earth-conscious businesses (REI anyone?), brushing your teeth with the water off, and reusing disposable products such as plastic baggies and tin foil. The list goes on and on, making it easy for each of us to find a way to contribute :)

Looking for more ideas and information? Check out B'More Green, Baltimore's environmental blog for everyday living.

Rant: Settling

I was in the bookstore not too long ago when I saw a book entitled "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb. I couldn't believe that the title could truly be indicative of the content, so I bought the ebook version and read it. [Thought: perhaps that was the point - shock them until they buy it??]

In short, I'm pissed and intrigued. A (very) brief synopsis is Gottlieb says women that are single after a certain point are too picky and should settle for the 8 instead of the 10. She goes on to postulate that women will regret their picky ways and wish they would have settled and given up their checklists while their eggs were still functioning [uh, my words, not hers ;)]. Yet the fact remains that this woman is directing other women to settle!

Gottlieb assumes that single women are single because they are holding out for Prince Charming, or a Perfect 10. In all fairness, she does write from the point-of-view that she overlooked many, many men thinking she was going to find the next best guy around the corner. With that said, I think it's horribly presumptuous of her to assume that women will be happier in a relationship they settled for as opposed to being alone.

I think this book may have simply not been written for me, because I don't think anyone should settle - ever. We only have so many trips around the sun, and at the end of the day the only person staring back at you is ... you. I'm in no way implying this is a free pass to ignore the needs/thoughts/feelings of those around you, but (at the risk of losing some of you with lyrical mastery), you should be something you love and understand. Once you've found that, you should honor it. Honor the things that are important to you, and more importantly honor those that aren't.

Here's the intrigued side of me: What does it say about our society and culture that we are more than willing to watch Sex and the City and cheer for the forty-something ladies that enjoy a martini or six with each other ... yet when we have single friends we're constantly reminding them that they is someone out there for everyone? Mr. Big strings Carrie along for (literally) seasons, yet we cheer when they finally get together, until he leaves her at the altar ... but then we cheer again when they reunite over shoes and have sex on the closet floor. Why? We cheer because we'd rather see her with the douchebag than see her single.

I'm by no means a relationship expert (track record handy, anyone?), but I do know one thing: everyone deserves to be happy, and it doesn't do anyone any favors if you can't look at yourself (and your relationship) each day and know you're making the right decision.